So this post isn’t going to be a normal blog post.. Its going to be abit of rant where i completely let all my feelings out and i just need to get this off my chest. Its going to involve a little bit of a back story but we’ll get there.
Before my dad married my mum, he had already been married and had 2 children.. my brother and my sister. That marriage ended, my dads ex wife remarried and had another child before my dad had even met my mum. Anyway, for as long as i can remember my sister has never liked my mum. Something i’ve always struggled with because she’s my mum..how can you not love her? Yet she adores her stepdad. So it isn’t as if my mum was the first step parent on the scene, her mum had remarried and had other children by this point. The dislike towards my mum has always caused weird feelings, especially when it came to doing things together as a big family. My sister was always very hostile and cold.
For as long as i can remember things just plodded on. Until 3 years ago when my sister got married. The whole lead up to the wedding she was bridezilla. No joke, she was awful. My mum had asked if when button holes were being ordered for the wedding party, would there be one ordered for her. Simple question, nothing wrong with that right…?
Well no, my sister kicked OFF! She thought my mum was implying that she was expecting to be left out and there was this huge argument and it didn’t end well. My dad was giving her away, i was a bridesmaid and my mum was just a guest.. She arrived by herself and sat alone until me and my dad walked into the wedding. She wasn’t a part of the wedding party, therefore just wanted to double check whether or not a buttonhole would be ordered for her as her friend had offered to make her a corsage. Part of the whole pre wedding drama was the fact that my sister had asked me to be a bridesmaid, but said i had to pay for the dress and any alterations i needed as well as paying for my hair and makeup for the big day. Our dad and my mum completely disagreed with this. If you want someone to be a part of your wedding, you pay for the dress and alterations. Thats how they’ve always known weddings too work. Another dilemma, old traditions vs new apparent traditions (my sister said this was normal as she’s been a bridesmaid and had to pay?..)
Since the wedding day, my sister has never once come round to see us. She used to come weekly with my nephew and that all stopped. We’ve moved house since the wedding and she still hasn’t seen our new house and we’ve lived her for 2 years now.. She doesn’t even know what our front door looks like. On Christmas we used to see one another boxing day, that stopped. She asked my dad to come and pick up the presents. She didn’t drop them off her self. If we wanted to exchange gifts we had to go to her. Everything changed. Once she was married with her own little family, my dad and me were forgotten. Unfortunately my mum couldn’t care less because of how she had been treated but me and my dad still care.
About a year ago, i started noticing that she was posting a lot about babies in heaven, and the national day for child loss, and one day there was a post of flowers and a ‘thinking of you’ card, with a thank you note to her friend as the caption. A few weeks later there was another post about going back to work after sick leave. Obviously i asked my dad about this, asking if he knew why she had been off sick and what was going on and he had NO clue!
Fathers day came around last year and she asked my dad to come round and pick his presents up.. Not could she come round and see him for fathers day, just a “hi dad, can you come and pick your presents up today around 1?” thats exactly what the message read. I still remember it clear as day because of how infuriated i was that she couldn’t even take the time to see him properly. It was fathers day for crying out loud!
A few more weeks went by and my sister had a brew with my dad at her house and she told him she was pregnant. In fact, this was a long awaited pregnancy. Her and her husband were struggling to get pregnant, decided to try IVF fell pregnant twice but lost both babies, which is just heartbreaking and i was honestly heartbroken for her. Never would i want her to experience that. This was around october last year and i had last seen my sister in the April. I haven’t seen her since..
Wednesday night i went onto instagram only to see pictures of her baby shower.. She looks glowing and so happy and it broke my heart all at the same time. She’s my sister but we haven’t been sisters for a long time now.. On facebook i see her tag her other sister in all these sister memes and quotes and i’m jealous.. I don’t know when she forgot about me, why she stopped visiting or replying to my texts but it breaks my heart. The dislike she has for my mum, she’s just branded me with my mum and forgot about me. Ive tried talking to her, i send her happy birthday messages and they all just get ignored.
Seeing photos of her baby shower, and knowing that even for the special times she can’t just simply forget about hating my mum and remember i’m her sister absolutely broke my heart.. I cried for a good hour over it. Full tears streaming down my face because i miss her. I miss having that person to talk too when my dad is driving me insane, or when i need someone to confide in. Its like i have a sister but she isn’t my sister..
Sis, if you ever see this, please know that i love you, you will always be my sister and i hope you’re happy. I really do. I hope that your family continues to grow, and that they give you all the love in the world. Im glad i get to watch from the outside but i so wish i was there with you on the inside. I want you to have nothing but happiness and i don’t know what i did that made you dislike me, or made you forget that im your sister too, but i haven’t forgotten, and when your ready to be sisters again, if you are ever ready, then i’m here waiting too. Love, your baby sis x
So yeah, thats it. I don’t know whether its because my dad moved out their family home, and thats why she treats him so bad, but she does. It breaks my hurt. Just yesterday my dad and me were talking about my sister and his exact words were “she only just tolerates me” and my heart shattered, i cried. My dad feels like his own daughter simply tolerates him.. He’s too scared to argue with her because he doesn’t want to lose that last little connection he has with her..
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I needed to get all that off my chest whether anyone reads this or not, this post was for me and I feel better for it.
Have a good week everyone x